Please, let me fuck your mom
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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