Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize