I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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