Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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