Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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