Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You smell like stripper and shame
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Randomize
Follow @tfln