Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.