Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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