Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
