I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.