Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.