Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND

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  (954): When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed. (1-954): RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND http://tfl.nu/q689
  Replies (23) Good night (781) Bad night (3172)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time

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  (601): woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time http://tfl.nu/qpy5
  Replies (15) Good night (890) Bad night (3866)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles

  (205): View more from Alabama

  for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today

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  (281): Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles (205): for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today http://tfl.nu/m9xp
  Replies (9) Good night (605) Bad night (3143)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?

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  (301): why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/k3ff
  Replies (18) Good night (4226) Bad night (627)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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  (203): Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line http://tfl.nu/4rr4
  Replies (11) Good night (1626) Bad night (5170)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.

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  (785): I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well. http://tfl.nu/l51l
  Replies (3) Good night (5833) Bad night (870)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.

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  (407): I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex. http://tfl.nu/84ml
  Replies (34) Good night (5393) Bad night (1104)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.

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  (920): Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp. http://tfl.nu/avvb
  Replies (2) Good night (1491) Bad night (730)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have a broken liver

  (1-575): View more from New Mexico

  I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

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  (575): I have a broken liver (1-575): I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us. http://tfl.nu/0hjr
  Replies (2) Good night (1274) Bad night (645)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.

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  (610): its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate. http://tfl.nu/xmo4
  Replies (5) Good night (1682) Bad night (620)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.

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  (307): he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back. http://tfl.nu/n0f2
  Replies (21) Good night (635) Bad night (2012)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.

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  (719): I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon. http://tfl.nu/f6i1
  Replies (6) Good night (1849) Bad night (585)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover

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  (231): Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover http://tfl.nu/r5rk
  Replies (5) Good night (892) Bad night (478)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"

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  (609): he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you" http://tfl.nu/enmx
  Replies (11) Good night (429) Bad night (760)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Not be drunk

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  (781): Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation (978): You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing (781): Not be drunk http://tfl.nu/0wwo
  Replies (1) Good night (656) Bad night (276)

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