Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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