do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
