My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
