oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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