It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
