she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
