And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
