ya dads aren't the best wingmen
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
