I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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