i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
