i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
