He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
