you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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