here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
