Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
