What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
