she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
