also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
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Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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