i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize