the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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