did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
