Please, let me fuck your mom
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
