I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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