I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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