Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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