Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
