Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
