Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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