the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
