i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the gays at disneyland are vicious
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
