I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
