So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
