Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
