Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
