I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
