Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I did not marry a roomba.
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