Umm I'm too high to move.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
is it fun? or sober?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
