Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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