I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
