no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
