he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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