Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
