If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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