Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
