Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
