I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
