the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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