I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
