I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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