TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
