Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
