there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
