bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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