he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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