yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need a burrito and a hug.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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