Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
