so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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