You can't motorboat a personality
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize