the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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