I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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