Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
