Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
