There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
